"Colin Harten and his parents had fled across the ocean to escape the Family wars in Andover. But trouble followed them and their fellow refugees to this new land, forcing them to abandon the settled areas and head into unexplored territory-the sacred grounds of a race of underground dwellers and warriors. It was here that they would meet their doom. Driven to the borders of a dark forest, they were attacked by mysterious Shadow creatures who fed on life force. Only Colin survived to find his way to the Well of Sorrows-and to a destiny that might prove the last hope for peace in this troubled land."

 

The other day my fiance and I were watching This American Life (the TV show version... we weren't just staring at Dan's ipod). They had a story* about a group of people at a retirement community who decided to make a movie, and I thought, "hey awesome, what a cool thing to do at any time of life."  Plus sundry mental ramblings about keeping your mind fresh and sharp as you age, which is something I'm mildly obsessed with. Okay. Anyway. I'm with TAL so far.
Then Ira Glass interviewed the woman in the retiree community who wrote the screenplay. She said she had always wanted to be a writer but had never actually written anything until she sat down to write the screenplay in question. And she said that she really, REALLY wanted their movie to go to the Sundance Film Festival.

Okay, what now?

I understand having goals. Obviously I'm a competitive and goal-oriented person, or I wouldn't be about to graduate from law school this May. But. BUT. There is a crucial difference, in any aspect of your life, between goals that you have control over, and those that you, decidedly, do NOT. Even those goals you would generally have control over ("I'm going to do thirty jumping-jacks today!")  sometimes slip into the other category ("I jumped on a nail, OH GOD WHY").  This has become abundantly clear to me as I finish up law school and look for a job in the middle of a incredibly frustrating recession. Things I CAN control: whether I do my reading on time; my attitude as I do my job search; my priorities. 

Things I CAN'T control: the economy. Whether interviewers like me. And, because it's law school and law school grading is crazy,** my grades. 

This is true for writing as well. What can I, as an aspiring novelist, control about my writing career? I can control whether I actually sit down and write things.***  I can control my attitude when my critique partners tell me to make a huge revision, or when a total stranger tells me my book (which they haven't read) sucks. (Yes, that has happened to me. Ideally, my attitude isn't the same "WHAT YOU'RE CRAZY YOU BARBARIAN IGNORAMUS" in both of these circumstances. Control, control...).  Anyway, I can also control how many projects I work on, what types of things I write, and perhaps most importantly, how many novels I *read,* as well as how much I learn about the publishing industry and the writing business and suchwhat.

Can I control whether my book or short story or whatever gets published? No. Nor can I control what happens if it does get published. I can certainly try to write (and rewrite) the best freaking book I am capable of.  But ultimately, in my view, that's a quest to becoming the best writer I can be, and the other pieces may or may not fall into place depending on the idiosyncratic preferences of the industry, the market, and the critics, etc. And you know what? It's really okay. No one is obligated to like my work. Not even my mom. The name of the game is self-improvement. Not acquiring a horde of admirers. If all you want is fame (or infamy), sod writing.. Go be a reality tv star.****

In short, these are some of the things I have been thinking about as I prepare for graduation and start a couple of new projects: why I write, who I'm writing for, and what harm unrealistic expectations--expectations about things I can't control at all--can do to me.

That was the point of the TAL episode of course. Ira Glass is a wise man. :)

Until next time,

London